A MOTHER’S WORRY NEVER ENDS; Getting through those worrisome moments.
Being a mother can be both rewarding and fulfilling. This however, can also come with great worry. Before being a parent, my worries I would say, were incomparable to motherhood. I didn’t stress too much about the time I got home, how often I went out for dinner, or how much money I spent on clothing. My thought process immediately changed once I gave birth. As a mother, I started creating a structured schedule that would allow me to be available for my family. I cooked almost every day and most of my spendings were planned in advance. These were just a few of the changes I made as I adjusted into motherhood.
Today, as I sit here and reflect back to my earlier parenting years, I can recall memories that brought me exceptional happiness and memories that also delivered me to a state of extreme worry. Being that this article is about getting through worrisome moments as a mother, I’ll share 2 particular memories that stand out. I remember my oldest daughter at age 3 falling on concrete, in the backyard of my home. She ended up with a few minor scratches. Looking back years later, I can now see that her fall really wasn’t a big deal. We all know that toddlers are unsteady and fall all the time. They become stronger and more steady as they develop. When I saw my daughter fall however, I couldn’t think straight. All I could think of was something horrific happening to my precious little one. I can now admit that I over-exaggerated. She really was ok but my brain went immediately into “fight and flight” mode. This is what happens to many of us as parents. We react from a place of fear without paying attention to the factual details.
Another memory I have goes back to my youngest daughter’s preschool years. I was told by her preschool teacher that on many occasions, she would not sit still during story time. Many of us know that a 4 year old does not always have the ability to sit still for long periods of time. Furthermore, this age group is very easily distracted. Of course, panic mode kicked in and all the knowledge I knew, became completely absent. My mind once again went into “fight and flight mode.” I began to worry over her not being able to succeed in school or in life. My thinking was completely distorted and there was absolutely no evidence to support these worries. She was simply a 4 yr old that needed redirection and positive reinforcement. Years have passed and I can say that I am now at a different stage in my life. I can look back at those memories with more calmness and even laugh.
My children are now older and definitely past their toddler developmental years. One is in High School and the other in College. Does this mean that my worries have subsided? Absolutely not! I still worry about my children, however I now worry about issues such as peer pressure, college, and adult life success. The difference now versus years ago is the manner in which I handle my worries. I no longer react from a place of fear. Instead, I have created a life for myself that allows me to have complete control over my emotions.
Listed below are some steps that have helped me in managing my emotions. If you’d like to raise your children with more calmness, apply these steps to your own life and I am certain you’ll notice a difference.
Make connections with other parents who have similar situations to create learning opportunities.
Read articles, books, stories to keep you informed and inspired.
Create a routine for yourself that involves daily relaxative practices (such as yoga, meditation, drawing, reading, planting, journaling).
When in a state of panic or worry, be sure to pay attention to the reality of your situation and not only the emotions that flood in.
Find someone who inspires you and take from them the positive areas that can help improve your life.
Seek out support from someone you trust (whether it’s a significant other, a family member, friend, therapist or coach).
As parents, we will always worry about our children. That’s a given. If you’re like me, you love your children unconditionally and cherish every day spent with them. It isn’t always easy to manage emotions during stressful parenting periods but if you work hard enough, you will get through the parenting years with more ease.
Candida R Diaz
Therapist & Life Coach
https://www.facetofacecounseling.com/
https://www.candidardiaz.com/