Services :: Marriage & Family

The In-Office Process
Typically the partner most frustrated with the marital relationship is the one to request counseling. I recommend to see each partner individually before seeing you as a couple. This allows me to get individual perspectives on what is hindering the marriage or relationship from going forward. Separate sessions are also beneficial for partners who have a fear of what the other partner will say or do in response to feelings or thoughts which will be heard for the first time during counseling sessions. At the first session both parties are allowed to summarize what their concerns are as well as what they would like the outcome of their therapy experience to be.

Homework is an integral part of the therapeutic process and couples should expect to get a new assignment every week. Most of the assignments are interactive though some writing is required at times.

I find that couples who are willing to do the homework generally have a greater success rate and feel a sense of growth in their marriage than couples who resist their homework. Also couples who are resistant to do the homework tend to drop out of therapy sooner without problems being resolved. Thus is very important that each partner come to therapy committed to do the work necessary to take the relationship to a new level and achieve happiness.

Often when married couples come to counseling they have already let their relationship spin out of control in one way or another. A song by Roberta Flack and Donnie Hathaway comes to my mind which says "Where is the love that you promised me, you said you would be mine all mine until the end of time was it just a lie...where is the love?"

I have found that the most common themes that are presented in a therapy session deal with lack of respect for one another, feelings of rejection most often related to sexual issues, loneliness due to feeling isolated from ones mate, mismanagement or lack of finances, lack of intimacy and if children are involved disagreements on child rearing practices. These issues span every genre, socioeconomic group, and culture.

Communication Breaks Down What happens when communication breaks down? • Spouses start seeking other outlets for validation, support, and comfort. • Problems go unresolved and fester. • Anger begins to boil.

What happens when spouses look outside their homes for validation, support, comfort, and love?

This is just an example of what could potentially and often does happen in relationships where problems go unchecked or ignored over a period of time. As you can see, there is a trickle down effect that takes place whenever couples fail address their problems at the initial stages.